Reasons Why You're Single

Hey single friends, are you getting tired of that "you poor thing" look you get when you tell people you're single. It's very common to be berated with endless (and often insulting) questions about whether or why you're still single when attending social events. Fortunately, I have compiled a list of creative answers that are sure to turn uncomfortable gatherings into loads of fun!

1. You’re currently too busy starting a seal training business. The questions will quickly turn towards your professional life leaving your love life off the hook. For added fun, throw in random terms to keep them guessing about whether you’re training animal seals or Navy seals.

2. You’ve started dating a Ninja who you brought with you but no else can see because Ninja’s are notorious masters of disguise. They’ll immediately wonder if that really is Grandma sitting next to them and unleash hours of entertaining paranoia.

3. You’re currently in the process of writing a Jane Goodall-esque book that exposes the real world of couples and must remain detached from coupledom to stay objective. Follow that statement with a series of personal questions regarding their sex life and make it clear you’re not above publishing their secrets.

4. You've started a Napoleon Dynamite dance group which takes up a majority of your free time. Explain how the endless hours of dance practices and dying "Vote for Pedro" T-Shirts is preventing any real socializing. Be sure to mention you are currently at the event held by your family/friends because it was the best place to practice having a vacant look on your face like Napoleon while still fitting in.

5. You've just accepted a position with the Center for Disease Control where you investigate areas known to have particularly vicious strains of the Influenza virus. Explain how you had forgotten about the event you are currently at and only arrived to perform your CDC duties. Continue the rest of the conversation with questions about why the person looks so pale and what they ate at the event. For added fun, arrive to the event in a Hazmat Suit.

6. You've recently started to practice the ancient Bulgarian art of Vampire Hunting. Look suspiciously at everyone who attempts to talk to you and point out how they aren't eating garlic or seem to be spending too much time in the shade. Watch in amazement as people will avoid asking you questions about your love life every time you remove the wooden stake you hid in your black trench coat.

These suggestions will give hours of entertainment so get out there and have some fun!