Wishful Gifting

It seems every year I'm overwhelmed with the stress of giving gifts and find that one perfect object to match with that one perfect person. I play a wildly materialistic game of match maker and every year I fail miserably. The wiser of my friends and family simply ask me what I want but even then I haven't the faintest clue how to answer. Sure, I can tell them the truth and say I want as many cases of wine as your arms and wallet can hold. Sadly there is one true trait that makes a person family and that's judgement. Anyone can criticize you but only family are obligated to.

This year I was given a gift I chose but secretly only wanted as a "just in case" gift. I'd like so I'll have it but I'm not so sure I'll ever use it. The gift was a Kindle and it's three days later and I adore it. I'm read a biography on Ernest Hemingway and two novels of F. Scott Fitzgerald. In my spare time I find myself browsing through Amazon's books and just can't seem to say 'no' to any of them.

Let this me a lesson to you, be careful what you wish for. You may end up being responsible for a five percent rise in Amazon's stock.

Reasons Why You're Single

Hey single friends, are you getting tired of that "you poor thing" look you get when you tell people you're single. It's very common to be berated with endless (and often insulting) questions about whether or why you're still single when attending social events. Fortunately, I have compiled a list of creative answers that are sure to turn uncomfortable gatherings into loads of fun!

1. You’re currently too busy starting a seal training business. The questions will quickly turn towards your professional life leaving your love life off the hook. For added fun, throw in random terms to keep them guessing about whether you’re training animal seals or Navy seals.

2. You’ve started dating a Ninja who you brought with you but no else can see because Ninja’s are notorious masters of disguise. They’ll immediately wonder if that really is Grandma sitting next to them and unleash hours of entertaining paranoia.

3. You’re currently in the process of writing a Jane Goodall-esque book that exposes the real world of couples and must remain detached from coupledom to stay objective. Follow that statement with a series of personal questions regarding their sex life and make it clear you’re not above publishing their secrets.

4. You've started a Napoleon Dynamite dance group which takes up a majority of your free time. Explain how the endless hours of dance practices and dying "Vote for Pedro" T-Shirts is preventing any real socializing. Be sure to mention you are currently at the event held by your family/friends because it was the best place to practice having a vacant look on your face like Napoleon while still fitting in.

5. You've just accepted a position with the Center for Disease Control where you investigate areas known to have particularly vicious strains of the Influenza virus. Explain how you had forgotten about the event you are currently at and only arrived to perform your CDC duties. Continue the rest of the conversation with questions about why the person looks so pale and what they ate at the event. For added fun, arrive to the event in a Hazmat Suit.

6. You've recently started to practice the ancient Bulgarian art of Vampire Hunting. Look suspiciously at everyone who attempts to talk to you and point out how they aren't eating garlic or seem to be spending too much time in the shade. Watch in amazement as people will avoid asking you questions about your love life every time you remove the wooden stake you hid in your black trench coat.

These suggestions will give hours of entertainment so get out there and have some fun!

Wine Tasting Wednesdays

It's been almost 3 years since I have had the privilege of not having to work on Wednesdays and I can't even begin to explain how wonderful it is. I wake up, thank the God and my Manager for giving me a day off in the middle of the week, clean up and relax most of the day. Sure I have a few chores to do here and there but overall it is a god send.

Today I treated myself to one of my favorite movies Letters to Juliet. I know many of you movie snobs insist it wasn't that great but I adored it for the European landscape and endless glasses of wine. I'm actually not certain if I would give priority to the beautiful landscape or legendary wine when visiting Europe but I'm quite certain I'd find a way to enjoy them both together.

Give me something to do next Wednesday and tell me what your favorite European wine is. I just may grab a bottle and take random pictures I won't remember on Thursday morning... yet another Wednesday tradition.

Ciao!

Next Time: The beauty of California wine!

Promises, Promises

It's been four glorious years since I started this Blog and over that time I posted twice. That's right, two (2) times over four (4) years. I'm not going to insult your intelligence and explain how bad that is. I have have far more clever ways of insulting your intelligence.

Realizing how ridiculous I am for ignoring my passion that is "writing" I have decided to make myself a promise. Although I'm tempted to to call it a New Years Resolution, I won't. I won't call it a New Years Resolution because my New Years Resolution for 2011 was to create a resolution and break it by 12:59am on 01/01/2011. I broke my resolution by 12:30am (Yeah, I'm kind of an overachiever). Instead, I'm going to call what it is: A promise.

I promise to make a post on this Blog AT LEAST once a week. In addition, I'm going to do my best to avoid the negative ranting that my first two posts shared. Boy, was I a mess. The goal seems easy enough... Wish me luck.